they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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