You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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