i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
they need to just BURY HIM!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
