He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
