i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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