Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize