Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize