I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
