a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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