You can't special order awesome
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
