I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
