Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
