THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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