I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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