They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
