I want to have your abortion
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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