Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
