you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
