I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
