just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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