your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There are leaves in my underwear?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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