Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
