I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
