why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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