literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
