omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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