yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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