Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
