I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
