great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
