Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
