Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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