there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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