Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
