Joe is yelling at the trees again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
