It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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