The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
