I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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