hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
