u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
