Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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