Kiss
Puke
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
