I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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