Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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