Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
