I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
