So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
