Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
