I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
