dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
