I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize