yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
