Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Couch. On fire.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
