nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
