Kiss
Puke
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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