so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
