I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
