I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize