This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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