I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
