Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
