If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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