My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize