Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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