whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
