I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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