we made out on top of his cat.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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