the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
