Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
