I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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