I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
