How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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