Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
