You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
