too bad you live with your parents still
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
