dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
