I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
