So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
