I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
