Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
