very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
