Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drunk is a universal language darling
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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