I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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