Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
