i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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