We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
