and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
