He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this just has baby written all over it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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