I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
