how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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