He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize