When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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