I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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