when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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