Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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