I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
