ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We have started to decorate penises.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
