I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize