i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
