a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
