i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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