I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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