She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
